Tuesday 13 August 2013

The clear feminist message is this really: Take control of your own sexuality, celebrate it and enjoy it.

****EDUCATIONAL ADULT THEMES - PLEASE BE AWARE****

As part of the Women Of The World Festival at the Southbank Centre in March of this year, Jude Kelly invited Noami Wolf (author of "The Beauty Myth", 1991) to talk about some of the fascinating and often tabboo issues she came across researching her latest book, "Vagina: A New Biography".

PLEASE BE AWARE this was an audience of adult women and men, and these were adult themes.


Here, I highlight some of those points which I feel women and men need to be aware of... Wolf herself emphasised she was in no way making judgements about people and things they do or don't do, she's just simply sharing information and I would echo this, which is so vital to do because information is power...

On Pornography

There are an increasing number of young men who find they can no longer get aroused and make love with someone they're attracted to without using porn, and we now understand why this is happening.

Pornography very rapidly desensitises the male brain; when a man gets sexually aroused watching porn, very quickly his brain habituates to that stimulus and he needs more and more extreme images or more and more novelty in order to reach that same level of desire.

This is why we have seen the mainstreaming now of the sorts of content which used to be quite marginal. It also means that men who watch a lot of porn can't get aroused so easily from just being in bed with their partner, and more and more men - healthy young men and healthy middle-aged men - are reporting a specific problem: they can no longer ejaculate, and a similar problem is happening to an increasing number of healthy young women who are watching porn more than generations of women before them.

Pornography is represented as this very liberating force but don't forget it's actually a multi-billion pound industry, exploiting a vulnerability in the male brain (and sometimes the female brain) without any disclosure of possible harmful effects to those who regularly use it.  It's been likened to the early days of cigarettes, when everyone thought it was cool to smoke and no-one revealed that these things could actually give you cancer. And similarly, people are using pornography more and more in their everyday lives and never questioning if there could be any harmful effects later down the line.

Not only is there a physical distress associated with not being able to perform sexually (and treating sexual dysfunction is yet another multi-billion pound industry of course) but there is often a psychological trauma experienced when a man can no longer make love to his partner. It seems to knock a man's confidence in so many other ways, at work, among his friends and peers, how he feels about himself and his achievements in life, it tends to affect his self-esteem and often results in tension and anxiety within his relationship.

So to get around the problem of the brain desensitising we find pornographic content becoming increasingly misogynous, increasingly violent - it has to be for this boost in new stimulus.  But this isn't individual men wanting to become more misogynous, this is multi-million pound corporations exploiting people for pure profit, regardless of the damage their product might be doing to millions of men, with absolutely no information, no warning about possible side affects.

On New Types Of Sexually Related Injuries

Younger women, say, women under the age of fifty, have gone through adolescence and their twenties watching a lot more porn than generations of women before them, and learning about sex from pornography.  Increasingly shocking images is one concern and more and more young women are admitting themselves to casualty on a Saturday night with anal injuries, where they've had sex with someone, often someone they don't know very well, and often greatly under the influence of alcohol, which is clearly a bad combination when it comes to this particular area, and basically, girls just think they are expected to offer this, that guys expect it, because it happens more and more commonly in the porn they are watching. 

On Hairlessness

This is another area which tends to affect younger women who have learned about sex through watching pornography. Commonly the women in these videos are hairless, again playing into this need for greater stimulus, for hairlessness is suggestive of very young, pre-pubescent girls, and we're also seeing a massive industry developing around surgery to change the way females look, to give their intimate areas the look of a much younger girl.  In fact some doctors in the US will even suggest having these operations - not for any medical reasons but purely to achieve that pornographised look.  Many people are asking if the increase in sexual abuse against children is in some way connected to this change in the way women's bodies are presented increasingly commonly in pornography, seen across  the western  world.

On Doing It For Yourself

For more than 5,000 years female sexuality, female desire has been mocked, degraded, controlled and even mutilated.  There is an enormous problem with shame and guilt that's been embedded in the female psyche from religion specifically and from culture generally; girls grow up encouraged to feel their sexuality is bad and dirty, and of course this has enabled them to be controlled by men, for research has shown now that women who are sexually frustrated are more likely to suffer from low confidence and poor self-esteem in many areas of their lives.  Let me share some of the science around this subject, linking the opioid dopamine with sexual pleasure. 

(This taken more or less from the discussion)

There is an amazing potent cocktail that happens in the brain when a woman allows herself, and is supported by her culture, in anticipating and seeking out sexual pleasure, and especially knowing how to make it happen for herself.  Being in control of what gives you pleasure is the number one dopamine enhancer.  Whatever her culture or background, whatever her sexuality, whether she is in a relationship or on her own, when she's anticipating sexual pleasure, dopamine is boosted in her brain.  Dopamine goes to the areas in the brain associated with focus and drive and motivation, assertiveness, trust in your own judgement, confidence.  (Cocaine acts on the dopamine system and we know how cocaine makes shy people assertive, outgoing and gregarious.)  When a woman reaches sexual climax, it boosts opioids which are about bliss and ecstasy and transcendence, and oxytocin levels are also boosted (linked to trust and intimacy and closeness) and this combination of opioids and reactions within the mind and body, can have an enormously powerful impact on women, on assertiveness, on confidence, on creativity, on being a better leader, being a better mother, giving a woman energy and insight to use in her life; dopamine in particular makes you less easy to push around, more sure of yourself.  These are all feminist qualities - female sexual pleasure makes you less easy to subordinate and subdue, and explains why things like FMG go on in some societies, why there is so much traumatic rape in war zones, why women have to live with constant barrage of  insults directed specifically at their genitalia and why for more than 5,000 years women have been actively discouraged from learning about what gives them sexual pleasure, not to feel good about their sexuality, not to discuss their interest in pleasure, because your pleasure empowers you in other ways that make you more challenging for those who seek to dominate and exploit you.  Wolf emphasised the importance of treating yourself as a lover, indulging yourself as a lover would, particularly if you don't have a lover, you still deserve to feel loved.

On Sex Toys

In 2009 a survey revealed more than 52% of women owned a vibrator and more recent studies suggest this figure is very much higher now, as women become more interested and confident exploring their sexuality.  But research suggests that habitual use of vibrators (like porn) is likely to have a desensitising affect, and women should be aware of the possible side affects and perhaps consider, armed with this information, how frequently they want to use sex toys, if they wish to maintain a healthy libido, particularly as they mature.  The sex toy industry is another multi-billion pound industry of course and once again no-one is disclosing the possible complications of achieving pleasure this way on a very regular basis. 

The clear feminist message is this really, take control of your own sexuality, celebrate it, enjoy it and don't be tormented and shamed into denying yourself this wonderful and intrinsic part of being a fulfilled human being.

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